LOL

extra power under load to the rear wheels

Lol like there’s enough room back there to add a load.

Nice to see the phrase “global heating” instead of the wimpy “global warming” or the even more milquetoasty “climate change”. I prefer the phrase “anthropogenic runaway global heating” because it makes clear the scale and severity of the problem as well as its origin, and also for the handy acronym.

Remember, the Constitution allows slavery! Plus, it only bans punishments that are cruel and unusual - punishments that are just cruel or just unusual are fine!

He doesn’t even write his tweets, let alone his speeches.

Hitler actually put a great deal of work and practice time into becoming a good public speaker. Can you imagine Trump putting that kind of effort into anything? Even golf?

We’re on our front foot

He’s on his ass … which is remarkable since he’s talking out of it at the same time.

Stab Persians with really long sticks

It translates to “you have Play-Doh on your forehead”.

I haven’t really eaten fast food in years, but a few months ago I was sort of forced to get lunch at a Burger King because it was the only place around. It (a Whopper and onion rings) was actually pretty tasty, a lot better than what I was expecting. But I just felt so physically bad after eating it, like I just wanted to lay down somewhere and die. Maybe it was all the salt, I dunno. When you combine this with the insane prices, it’s a just a mystery why anyone would eat this shit regularly.

It is so demoralizing to try and explain civil asset forfeiture. I’ve never had a single person believe that it’s real when I tell them about it - everybody insists that it can’t possibly be true since it’s so flagrantly unconstitutional.

I know some very smart people from Iowa. They left.

It’s Germany - wouldn’t it be “das tired”?

As did Reagan and Bush I. And for that matter, a lot of their people cut their teeth under Nixon. Some cancers take a long time to grow.

2000 was worse for America than 9/11.

I’m gonna combine it with intermittent non-pooping.

Ties are especially ironic because they derived from a time when buttons - made by necessity out of rare items like ivory or whale bone - were expensive as fuck and it was cheaper to close up your neck with a strip of scrap fabric. Most people today can afford plastic buttons.

“If Cardinal Fang over there can wear a red cummerbund, why can’t I wear a blue suit? At least I ditched my trademark 10’ long red tie.”

My favorite is “{country} furious”.

At least he would never wear a white Batman costume. Maybe.